TIP #4 FOR BECOMING A GUILT FREE PARENT: 

Become a Liar

So last month I said how much I hate liars and that everyone around you is one. And now this month I am saying become one. I know - I hate myself for saying it but it is why people lie when parenting. It makes you feel better. You lie so that you can somehow convince yourself (like other parents) that everything is great. (I think this might be true for people with pets too). And because we are sleep deprived, we forget what actually happened and this story we created may have actually been the truth. We have no idea what is real. We aren't sure if we are in the Matrix or not.  When people ask about how things are going, you put on your best poker face and tell them everything is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious – Mary Poppins was clearly suffering from a lack of sleep to come up with that word. Of course, people may tell from the bags under your eyes or the lack of coherent sentence structure that you are lying. But that doesn’t matter. Become one of those people I complained about last month. Do what you have to do to cope, and lie to everyone else about what really happens.

A co-worker of mine told me that her kid slept in their bed for years (and I mean years) but she wouldn’t tell anyone because she thought they would judge her. When she had company over, she would go into the kid’s room and “unmake” the bed. That way her guests and/or in-laws thought the kid slept there but came out to their bed in the mornings. The reality is anyone who has been a parent in the last ten years will not really judge you. Those who have had kids greater than 10 years ago have no real recollection and are liars anyway.  But even if no one will judge you, it definitely feels better to pretend to the world that everything is magical in your house – because Pinterest and parenting books tell you that you should have things figured out by week two of your child’s life.  If you need to lie to cope, go ahead. Just make sure you get your story lined up so that folks like me don’t come in and keep asking questions until the truth comes out. You need to have all your witnesses, alibis, and facts lined up. This co-worker unmaking the bed was a brilliant move and I probably would stop asking questions after I CSI’ed their house and found the bed unmade.  I am not sure I have enough energy to actually keep that charade up for years but hats off to her for that level of commitment. She should definitely be an undercover agent for the FBI or something.

The trick to lying though, is to figure out how much lying you should actually do. You don’t want to be one of those people that tell others that everything is great and magical all the time (because people like me will want to throat punch you) but you also don’t want to scare the crap out of anyone who has new children (or is pregnant). I can only imagine the look on people’s face if I told them how many times I screamed and cried myself. They probably would have me committed to an institution where I would get fed all day and have someone clean up after me and get lots of sleep – WAIT! What was I thinking?! 

So you have to be truthful enough to remind people that things sometimes suck and that you can join together in solidarity. However, you don’t want to put the whole truth out there and have your matrix world come crashing down.  Take the red pill instead and stay in Wonderland, Neo. No one who is sleep-deprived actually has the energy to bend over backwards and dodge bullets anyway.