TIP #2 FOR BECOMING A GUILT FREE PARENT:

Anything learned can be unlearned (is that at word?)

I realized this after we had our second child. You see my brain wasn’t working for a least 3 years after our first child so I was unable to rationalize much in the beginning. I was stressing - which if you knew me that wouldn’t be a shocker- about whether or not to give our second child a soother. My wife and I talked it over, went back and forth, and read many parenting books to figure out what “expert” had the best advice we needed to hear. Then I reminded myself that we were able to get rid of the soother from our first child after her having it for two years and it only took a few days. One night was horrible and the others became better only in relation to the first.  My wife actually left the house while I was stuck in the room with our screaming daughter on the first night (She can't stand being the bad cop). I could only think that somehow this kid is going to hate me for life because of this. She will be in front a therapist talking about how she is always scared that things will be taken away from her and the therapist will say “did your father ever take away your soother?” and a breakthrough will happen and I will be labeled  as “jerk”.  Meanwhile her mother was nowhere to be seen and can remind her kids that she wasn’t even around when the traumatic life event happened and she gets to keep the good cop uniform. She did show up a couple hours later smelling of Tim Horton’s coffee and a little hint of gloatnut (that is donut and gloating combined if you were wondering).

Sure, I know that we as parents caused the problem, rushing in the room as soon as we heard the soother drop out of her mouth.   I may have walked around with the monitor up to my ear for months and have a slight hearing problem in my left ear. But the point is she stopped using it. I still wake up though at 2am hearing the faint sound of a soother drop somewhere in the world, which is followed by the sigh and shuffle of a tired parent.  We don’t get to choose our superpowers and I don't look good in red spandex pants.

My point is, there are no 16 year olds still using a soother or needing to be rocked to sleep. Somehow we break the bad habits we caused these children. Our first child turned out to be a wonderful kid, so I know that I did something right – at least so far because she is too young for therapy sessions. The tip to remember is to know you will have some bad times breaking habits. But the other side of the coin is that you may have gotten some relief from by using some coping mechanism that some book told you that you shouldn’t.  Just be sure you are the parent who gets to go to Tim’s instead.